Apr 16, 2015

UFC on Fox: Machida v. Rockhold Predictions

The UFC is back on network television and back in Newark because the city of New York hates money. With them they bring a fantastic card from top to bottom (despite the loss of Yoel Romero) headlined by a battle between two top middleweight contenders. Oh, did I mention that this is the most handsome main event in UFC history? Well this is me putting you ladies and gentlemen (I don't judge) on notice.

For as long as I run this site, this is the default Machida gif 
Lyoto Machida v. Luke Rockhold

I spent like 20 minutes trying to work a Handsome Boy Modeling School joke into this fight. It would have helped if I had more experience with listening to the group beyond the 2 or 3 times I heard them while riding in Kid Presentable's car 12 years ago. Anyway, this should be a very competitive fight between two beautiful sons of b*tches top contenders in the 185 pound division. Rockhold has won 3 straight since getting TRT Vitor'd while Machida recently kicked CB Dollaway's ribs into the third row. I have a hard time picking against Machida in a fight where I'm pretty confident he wont be taken down. That's why I didn't. I think Machida does what Machida always does. He will manage distance, avoid getting hit and strike when he sees an opening. Luke Rockhold is a fantastic fighter who is very well rounded and is only getting better. He has proven that he can come back from adversity and one day he will be fighting for the UFC title. I just think he's going to have to wait a bit. Machida by 4th round TKO.

Picking The Dragon: Dr. Law, Gooms, Kid P
Picking The Surfer: DJ Mark

The watermelon represents basically any part of
Camozzi's body. I'll let you guys choose. 
Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza v. Chris Camozzi

Stop laughing. Seriously...stop laughing. If nothing else, you have to give Camozzi credit. The man has serious balls. The first time he fought Jacare was on 10 days notice. Let me tell you, no one walked away from that fight thinking "I wonder what Camozzi could do if we gave him 4 less days to prepare for Souza. If Camozzi wins this fight, it will arguably by the greatest upset in UFC history. He won't. I'm sorry, but it's just not going to happen. Jacare is better than Camozzi everywhere. The Pride (might be a little strong, but let him have his moment) of Alameda isn't going to do well in this one. Coming off your couch to take on the #1 contender? I'd be very surprised if Jacare doesn't finish him in the first. Jacare by 1st round submission. 

Picking Ronnie The Alligator: All of us 
Admitted crack smokers: 

He more or less wrote my
prediction. Buy some sauce.
Max Holloway v. Cub Swanson

Business has picked up folks. What we have here is a guaranteed slobber knocker between two gentlemen who know what's at stake: relevancy in the featherweight title hunt. Cub Swanson is coming back from a bout with Frankie Edgar where his guard proved to be as useless as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Max Holloway, on the other hand, has won 5 straight, leaving many of his opponents beaten like a government mule. He hit Akira Corassani so hard I had to stand up and yell "Stop the damn fight! That man has a family!" Cub Swanson is tougher than a 2 dollar steak, but Holloway is going to stomp a mudhole in his ass and walk it dry. Holloway by decision. 

(A tip of the cap to Good Ol' JR)

Picking "Blessed" (Kid, come up with a better nickname): Gooms, Dr. Law
Picking Killer Cub: DJ Mark, Kid P

Felice Herrig v. Paige VanZant

There are other, more interesting pictures of Miss VanZant
out there. Quite frankly, we'd get way more traffic if I posted
one of them instead.
What we have here is an fight taking place on Fox where basically every other person in the division is annoyed about it taking place on Fox. Their concerns don't appear to be without merit. On one side you got Felice Herrig, a tough fighter who, if we're being honest, is more known for showing her assets (see what I did there) on social media than her fighting skill. On the other we have a pretty 21 year old blonde woman who is 1-0 in the UFC. I get that the other strawweights are annoyed, but let's not act like we don't know what's going on. Do I really need to explain that prize fighting is a business? It doesn't sound great, but a lot of younger guys watch MMA and that demographic likes watching pretty women.  Regardless of issues of feminism and society as a whole, there is going to be a fight. Felice is a tough veteran, but I think Paige is going to have her number here. There are a lot of unknowns with VanZant. She's also shown to be a pressure fighter, but I'm going to rely heavily on the fact that she trains with Team Alpha Male. That's enough for me to pick her. VanZant by 2nd round TKO. 

Picking "Cassie Cage" from Mortal Kombat: DJ Mark
Picking the Alpha Female: Dr. Law, Kid P, Gooms

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